At the end of The Lost Boys, a most excellent teen vampire flick from 1987, the character of Grandpa (played by Barnard Hughes) says:
One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach… all the damn vampires.
That’s how I feel about science. Or more specifically:
One thing about living in the United States in 2021 that I just can’t stomach… all the damn science deniers.
Let me just say right off the bat, this post is not about politics. Well, not entirely. While some people are in fact denying science for political and financial gain, my focus here is on the science, not the politics.
So, what has me grinding my teeth today?
Is it the Flat Earthers? Sure, anyone in 2021 dumb enough to actually think the Earth is flat — I’m guessing most of the Flat Earthers are in it for the shits and giggles, but at least a few of them must be true believers, right? — is an idiot. If that’s not clear enough, let me say it again. ANYONE who actually believes the Earth is flat is a complete and total idiot. Really, don’t trust them with sharp objects, cars, or, God forbid, guns. I mean, just watch a ship coming over the horizon and you’ll see the Earth is round. The ancient Greeks figured it out and I promise, you can, too. So no, Flat Earthers are not the genesis of this scree.
Is it the Climate Change deniers? Okay, this group pretty much always sets my teeth on edge. 97% (or more) of accredited scientists agree that the climate is warming as a direct result of human activity (also known as anthropogenic climate change), and that without intervention, it’s going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better. I screamed at my computer screen when I saw a news story about people in Louisiana who are losing land to Climate Change — the land they live on is literally disappearing under water — and yet some still denied the science.
Someone close to me once observed that “Climate change is only a theory, a projection.” Yes, but it’s a projection made by people who have an understanding of how climates change and evolve.
Insurance agents use actuarial tables to figure out when I’m likely to die. Do they know specifically when I, personally, am going to die? No. But they do know the average life expectancy of a fifty-six year old, American man of Southern European ancestry. It’s their job to know. Or consider a building inspector who disapproves of the load bearing walls of a newly constructed home. Do they know for a certain whether or when those walls will collapse? No. But I’m sure as shit not going to inhabit that space because some moron is brazen enough to deny the science (and math) behind construction.
Insurance agents, building inspectors, and almost any other professionals you can think of, have expertise in their field. Just like the scientists who are warning us that our behavior is causing the climate to change. So yeah, it pisses me off. But it isn’t what pissed me off enough to write this specific post on this specific day.
The culprit today is Governor Ron Desantis of Florida (and by extension, Texas Governor Greg Abbott). He signed a bill into law that prohibits a local municipality or school from creating a mandate that citizens or students must wear a mask. “It should be a matter of choice,” he said. He’s even threatening to withhold money from school districts and school boards if they attempt to institute a local mask mandate.
To quote, completely out of context, one of my favorite lines from The Final Revival of Opal and Nev by @DawnieWalton (which I read, and loved, while on vacation):
Motherfucker! What?
(The book is a great novel about a lot of things, though science isn’t one of them.)
This is a pandemic. If only the people who want to wear masks wear masks, the pandemic isn’t going to end. All we’re doing is giving the virus more time to adapt and change.
Am I saying there should be a nationwide mandate, right now, that all people wear masks in public? No. I’m saying FOLLOW THE ****ING SCIENCE. (I think I need to make t-shirts.) If there’s a surge of hospitalizations in Broward County, and the local officials want to close the schools, or require masks, the governor needs to get the hell out of the way. (To understand how pandemic preparedness should work — the first thing governments should always do is close the schools — read Michael Lewis’s excellent book, The Premonition.)
Science is not about politics. It’s about truth. Sometimes it’s an absolute truth — the (round) Earth spins on its axis, the speed of light is 186,000 miles per second, and unchecked viruses spread. Sometimes it’s an accepted truth — life on Earth evolved from simpler to more complex organisms, the universe began with a Big Bang, and the climate is warming due to human activity. People with no expertise in the science behind these truths (absolute or accepted) have no business claiming such truths are false. Such people are dangerous.
The moment you hear a politician denying credible science, vote them the fuck out of office. Hell, impeach them. Or maybe we should revert to a pre-enlightenment way of handling things and just have a good old fashioned stoning. (No, I’m not suggesting anyone actually stone Governor Desantis, though maybe someone should get the uptight asshat stoned. That might help.) And by the way, I have two school-age children, so I fully grok the inconvenience of pandemic restrictions. But I also love my kids and want them to grow up in a rationale world that values truth over than expedience or convenience.
Thus endeth the rant, though
I will leave you with one interesting scientific tidbit called the Mandela Effect. It describes what happens when a group of people, often a very large group of people, misremembers a quote or historical event. Perhaps the most famous is Darth Vader’s utterance of “Luke, I am your father.” Though many of us remember it that way, Darth (and yes, he and I are on a first name basis) actually said “No, I am your father.”
The title for this column came from one the most famous quotes in the brilliant television series Breaking Bad, when Jessie (played by @AaronPaul_8) says, “Yeah, science, bitch!:” Only he never actually said that. The quote was “Yeah Mr. White! Yeah, science!” My brain, suffering from the Mandela Effect, misremembered it. And you know what I say to that… Yeah, science, bitch.